Isolating

Isolation is a way to know ourselves.

Franz Kafka

I’m currently self isolating due to presenting with symptoms of COVID-19. Which means I have to not go to work for another week. Which means staying inside and avoiding all physical contact with other humans. So no change for me really. I suppose the only real difference is I now don’t have the option to go out if I wanted to.

I have enough food, enough toiletries to last me for a while. I worry constantly about how many other people I may have given Coronavirus to before I started manifesting symptoms. I tried to get out of my head by painting again today, and I realise increasingly that I keep painting and drawing pictures of couples from very far away. I must be lonely.

I think I’m struggling a little again with myself. I find myself most days just sort of feeling very dejected about everything, wishing I didn’t have to do anything, but also wishing I had something to distract me. Depression is weirdly paralytic in that you find yourself unable to do much, but then internally screaming about how you feel trapped by it.

I don’t know how to make a comments box on these blog things, or even if I can, so I might set up an email inbox just in case of questions anybody who reads this might have. Probably in the next post.